For the Love of Break-ups: Tell the Truth & Keep on Loving

by Shannon on February 21, 2012
Breaking up: Moving on

In your life, you search and search for the right person. Every time you break up
with someone, you get one step closer to that person.
You should look at moving on as getting one step closer to the one.

— Ian Philpot

Recently, Tiny Buddha had a post entitled Lost Love: What It Means to Move On.

In the article, the author shared her own post-break up experience and the things she learned as she picked up the pieces and tried to figure out what it meant to move on without her man. In the end, she revealed the a-ha moment that shifted her perspective around her ex and her break up and gave her the clarity and closure she needed to finally move on.

Read the article.

Oh yes. This story of lost love and moving on is one we can all relate to, so I wanted to share with you both her article and my own thoughts on break ups and moving on.

Hopefully, our wisdom combined will help you hurt a little less and see a little more clearly the next time you find yourself breaking up and moving on.

Two more life lessons to help you move on from lost love and still have love in your heart

Although I’d learned something, or many things, from every break up, it was with my last break up that the monumental light bulb of enlightenment turned on. It was with this last break up that the most profound of all break up lessons came clearly into view.

These two lessons didn’t immediately make all of the hurt go away, but they did help me move on and begin the healing process more quickly than I could ever remember from break-ups past. They also prepared me to walk into my future not wounded but ready to love again — and still in love with myself.

#1 When a relationship comes to an end, always be completely honest with yourself about what you’ve actually lost

After a break up, while you’re replaying all of the things that were so wonderful about your relationship (the things that worked), you must also be willing to take a good honest and loving look at the things in the relationship that didn’t work.

You have to ask yourself:

  • What excuses have I been making for him when You're a great couple unless you're about to break up
    he wasn’t showing up fully in the relationship?
  • What behaviors have I been ignoring?
  • What needs did I have that weren’t being met?
  • Where was I settling?
  • Am I now conveniently ignoring the emotional roller coaster that was the last X months of the relationship?
  • What worked and what didn’t, honestly?

Loss hurts and that’s okay. We just have to make sure the level of hurt we create around it honestly reflects the level of loss. And that requires that we look at all parts of the relationship (or whatever the loss is.) What it was, yes, but as importantly, what it was not.

#2 Love is real even if it doesn’t last

Admitting what didn’t work can never negate the things that did work. The parts of the relationship that were beautiful and loving will always remain beautiful and loving.

The love we feel in any relationship is real, even if it isn’t reciprocated and even if it doesn’t last. It was very real in the moment you felt it, and nothing can change that.

Remember how it felt to love, and then, be willing to gently release it and move on.

And in the words of Dr. Suess:
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”


Now it’s your turn…

  • What do you do to help you get over a break up and move on?
  • Do you think the ideas in this post and the Tiny Buddha article will help you next time you go through a break up?

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